Reviewing! Yes. Because I am so totally qualified.
Zombieland
I saw Zombieland on opening night, going in with the expectations that I would be disappointed. I was not. Zombieland isn’t really a zombie movie, but a comedy with zombies in it and copious amounts of gore. But don’t get me wrong–it’s a good comedy.
The movie was surprisingly well-written, and there are lots of little funny bits scattered throughout the whole movie. And the zombie killing, when it actually happens (there’s a lot of meandering, but it’s entertaining meandering), is completely awesome. Woody Harrelson stole every scene he was in, I think.
I definitely recommend Zombieland. Even my bff Emily, who hates horror/gory movies of every kind and screams during the previews (and at one point in Zombieland which was not a scream moment, she was just shocked by the sudden camera shift), loved Zombieland. She loved it because of the story and the comedy, which, if you were to take out all the zombies and apocalysm, was right up her alley.
If you like comedies and/or zombies, see this movie. Even if you think Zombieland isn’t your kind of movie.
At the end of the movie, I kid you not, everyone in the theatre started applauding. If that tells you anything.
Kingdom Hearts 358/Stupid-ass Name
First of all, what the hell, Square Enix? What were you thinking when you came up with that name? You couldn’t come up with something cooler? Seriously. Chain of Memories. Birth by Sleep. Those names are all right. 358/2?
Is this a freaking math game?
All right, that aside, I pre-ordered KH 358 way back when, and picked it up kind of wary. This is how it goes for me with Kingdom Hearts. In between games, I start thinking it’s not that great, it’s really silly, but then I start playing it again and I completely love it. Also, I liked playing as Roxas in KH2, and I was looking forward to an entire game set inside the Organization.
Then you start it up, and….wow. When you realize you’ve been playing for an hour and you’re still in the middle of the tutorial? Not fun. Listen, Square, I know how to swing my keyblade, I know how to jump, I know how to lock on. I do not need a separate “mission” going over each of these, one at a time. At least throw some of these things in the same lesson so we can get through this faster!
Seriously. I spent something like three hours of game time going through the damn tutorials! What a slow way to start a game. Yes, I realize the “Roxas” levels of KH2 was technically a long tutorial, but it was not nearly this grueling and boring to go through. The main thing that kept me going through the first three hours of 358 is the bits of story stringing them along, and the hope that I would get to go somewhere other than the same three or four rooms.
And…it did.
Finally!
Once the game actually started, it became a lot more fun. I was thinking missions would be basically “kill x number of Heartless,” and while there are those kinds of mission, there’s also collecting and information gathering missions. Which sounds kind of dumb, but it’s actually a fun way to break up the pace.
Learning to best use my panels for max awesomeness is, well, fun, and I thought it would turn out to be annoying. Also it’s cool to see the FMVs with full-on voice acting, when they happen. Also I can’t help thinking, “This is what Kingdom Hearts would look like on the N64,” which for me is a plus, as N64 has a warm place in my heart.
The story, so far, is straight forward, and there are a lot of…bromance moments. Listen, I realize there are a lot of girls who are into this yaoi thing, and I can’t help thinking if Square Enix isn’t pandering to them. There’s times when Axel will say something to Roxas, or vice versa, and I go, “Really? Are you kidding me? Men don’t act like this.”
Me, personally, I do not like yaoi. In fact, I hate it. I hate the SoraxRiku and RoxasxAxel crap, and I hate seeing it spam my monitor whenever I look up Kingdom Hearts. First of all, it is not canon. Canon is a huge point for me. If it isn’t canon, I don’t care about it. Second of all, it’s gross. Third of all, two guys can be best friends and not be gay for each other, okay?
And then Axel takes Roxas out for ice cream and I go, “Damn it, Square.”
Seriously. Square needs to take a lesson in what it’s like to be a guy.
Let me say it like this: I am a straight girl. As a straight girl, I am only interested in straight men. Straight men who act straight and don’t take each other out for ice cream to watch the sunset in a weird awkward date-feel to it.
But then the girl Xion comes along and that helps cancel that. I can’t wait to see an FMV with Xion in it just because I want to know how the hell to say her name. Is it like the word ion with an X? Shy-on? She-on? Zee-on?
What was I talking about?
Oh, right. Anyway, 358/2 Days is a fun entry in the Kingdom Hearts series, is a good DS game, if you can just get past the super long tutorial. The missions are fun and challenging for your current level, even the panel managing is kind of fun, and the length of the missions themselves let you play the game in short bits, which is ideal when you’re waiting in line at WalMart or for your mocha-latte-frappa-whatever-a-ccino to arrive. Hell, I play a quick mission as I wait for my computer to boot and warm up.
Also, it looks like 358/2 is going to be a very long game, considering I’m 5 hours in and barely into the bulk of the story.
Also, looking forward to seeing Riku!
“Why are you looking forward to seeing Riku?”
Honestly? He’s been my favorite character ever since I saw the cover art for the first Kingdom Hearts, and it was based on one thing and one thing only: his sword/bat thing. I love that sword.
Also because he is snarky, except for when he’s being emo. I hope they make him more of a smartass in KH3 and cut out that emo crap.
He needs to get rid of that ridiculous long hair, though. A year living in a blindfold is no reason not to get a fucking haircut! Damn it, Square!
